"Too Gay to Function"

Today was a lot of fun. i spent 3 hours at Hanover High today speaking to sophomores in a health class about sexuality and sharing personal experiences and things. they got a chance to hear from Dartmouth students and ask any questions they could think of, and we all answered honestly and sincerely. it was an extremely interesting and fun day, actually. in a way it was sort of my way of resolving all of my high school "issues." i have never been so open and candid about myself with so many strangers before. it was very rewarding for me, and hopefully for the students as well.

the concensus from all the Dartmouth students who participated in this was that they all wished this had happened when they were in high school. we all wish someone had come and talked so freely and shown us that people can be open and happy, that people can deal with thier issues and be and content, at peace, and supported. i know that coming from the all-male, hypermasculine high school, a talk like this would have really made some people's day that much brighter. i know it would have made mine.

it was so interesting to go back to highschool, because you quickly realize that these people probably don't know many "out" people. and we told then that in any way that they are supportive of (using blanket term) Queer issues or do their part to stop homophobia and speak up when derogatory comments are made can really make someone or many people feel so special inside. it's always so reassuring and touching when someone is open in their support. someone in the crowd may seek out that person to bear their soul in the future. you never know who you can affect with so little effort. it takes much more effort to hate than to love.

as someone who not so often wears their heart on their sleeve, who generally likes to keep his feelings harbored to himself, i can say that opening up, especially to strangers can be tough. it can be overwhelming. yet, discussion and openess is ultimately the best way to grow.

pretty comfortable in my skin, kiddies.

Release

Hello once again from your friendly neighborhood blogger! My mind has been sort of this jumble of confusing and conflicting thoughts, emotions, feelings, and such in the past week. some people would take that as an excellent opportunity to express what they are feeling in words, perhaps to try to work through any persistent or nagging issues. yet, when my mind gets crammed with all sorts of consuming thoughts, it's like it just shuts down. often i just wanna sleep a lot to get my mind off of things (which is never good when you have an extremely busy schedule and lots of work to be done).

if not asleep, i usually choose one of 2 extremes: i either become like a hermit, shutting myself in my room and only coming out when necessary, or i will have to surround myself with lots of people to laugh and joke my cares away. (i swear this blog has a point that i wanna talk about, just bare with me while i vent). so yes, that's just how i've been feeling lately. i can think of a few reasons why, but no need to elaborate, not too important. i've also been watching the movie Camp a lot lately. such an excellent movie, really helps me take my mind off petty and unnecessary shit.

i made a painting called "release" 2 years ago. it was a guy (me?) standing in a field with the sun rising/setting in the background (depending on your interpretation) with arms outstretched and all of the stars pouring out of his mouth into the dark sky. sometimes i wish it were that easy. to just throw your head back, throw your arms out wide and just release all the pent up energy/stress/tension/regret/anxiety/etc. one might be harboring. i suppose there are other ways of finding ways to release these negative energies. getting involved in activites, busying the mind or either just relaxing are 2 completely opposite ways, yet some might find one more useful than the other. i suppose i like to try and incorporate a bit of both in my life.

maybe i'll find my way out to the Green one night and just scream all my problems away...i just hope S&S won't be near....
no sense wallowing in the negative. i'm going to try to focus myself toward the future. but then , that would suppose that i know how to live in the present. i guess we have to pick what we value most about the past, seize in the present, and prepare/equip ourselves for the future.

to quote my new favorite movie, the wonderful CAMP, "frustration is a useless emotion. if you see something you want, you just have to go for it. it's better to regret something you have done than something you haven't done."

can i get an amen kiddies?

"That's So Gay"

"That's so gay!" "Dude, why are you so gay?" "That is the gayest thing I have ever heard."

why are these awefully sexist and homophobic phrases so popular in our contemporary vernacular? why do people not understand that these statements are horribly offensive. people can use the word "gay" in very discouraging ways to have extermely negative connotations. for example, a person was using my apple computer to decide if he would be interested in purchasing one. he was playing with windows media player and said "that is so gay." i know for sure he didn't mean that windows media player has sexual intercourse with other media players of the same gender.

it's remarks like these that perpetuate the negativity and stigma attached to the word "gay." when it's continually used as a negative adjective, then homosexuality will continue to be viewed as something wrong, something disturbing, something without worth or merit.

the only thing that will counter this sort of prejudice and hatred is to stop people when they makes these comments. stop them and tell them that what they are saying is wrong, mean spirited, and offensive. also, stop using comments like these yourself. if you have known yourself to say things like these, please take a moment and think about it. you cannot expect hate and prejudice to end if you dont stop perpetuating it yourself.

the revolution toward human equality, civil rights, and an end to hate will march on. be sure to do your part and peace will arrive one day. it will come striding in on the backs of those people who have worked so passionately, diligently, patiently, and tirelessly to further the movement and be agents of tolerance and progression. these are my heros. i will do my best to live in their example, and so should you.

passionately, and a bit disgustedly yours, kiddies.

Spring's in Bloom

Y'ever notice how absolutely amazing the change of a season is? especiall from winter to spring. that is the most glorious and satisfying change of all the seasons- from cold and stale to fresh and new.

i just recently began to notice how drastically the weather effects my mood. on a beautiful, warm, sunny day, i am happy, i feel productive, i feel apt to get up, get out, and enjoy the day. i smile more. i try to brighten others' days since the sun is obviously shining on me.

so how do i transpose a bit of spring into every day of my life? how do i capture the spark of delight and cheerfulness spring brings on those gloomy days? seems like my life is being rained on fairly heavily right now. things arent going right in many ways, i can't seem to get out from under this dark cloud. however, i can't completely complain. many things are going right. i am so damn busy and involved in so many things right now. and when i'm busy, i'm happy. yet, there is still something unfulfilled in my life. and, i can't exactly pin-point it.

i'm going to try something new. i'm not going to do anything about it. i am going to sit back, proceed with my daily routine and wait for whatever it is that has yet to come to find me. i have the sense that something big is coming, and good things come to those who wait. so, hopefully with the change of a bitter season into spring, a time of growth and rebirth, my life will grow. i will grow. something new and exciting will blossom. perhaps it's just a faint hope just like my hope that the sun will show it's face in the morning. but, some things you just sense.

it's like i have a fifth sense. my boobs can always tell when it's raining. oh mean girls, i love you so.

You are the sunshine of my life kiddies!

Apparently the Cool Thing to Do...

TEN Random Things About Me
10. i have 2 loveable mutt doggies. Duke and Petey.
9. i have a herniated disc in my lumbar pinching a nerve that runs from my spine, down my left leg, and into my little toe
8. i am related to Thurgood Marshall [1st black justice on supreme court and lawyer in Brown v. Board (1954)]
7. my entire family lives in Baltimore.
6. i got my first lead in a play as a freshman in highschool. i played Pseudolus in "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum"
5. i am an only child.
4. i like boys and girls. i am a summer camp counsellor.
3. i was born on 11/11, 11 days late, at 9:11. and, i have 11 letters in my first name.
2. i started acting when i was 8
1. i love the nightlife. i love to boogie.


NINE Places I've Visited
9. Orlando, FL (Disney World)
8. Myrtle Beach, SC
7. Manchester Airport in NH
6. Columbus, OH
5. Cape May, NJ
4. York Minister Cathedral in York, England
3. my grandmother's house in Baltimore
2. New York, New York (where my hustlers?)
1. Shakespeare's Globe in London in an acting workshop

EIGHT Things I Wanna Do Before I Die
8. be on Whose Line is it Anyway
7. be on SNL
6. star in my own primetime network sitcom
5. host a late-night talk show
4. star in movies
3. write a book about my life
2. become famous
1. LIVE

SEVEN Ways To Win My Heart
7. notice the little details
6. look me in the eyes and sincerely tell me you like/love me
5. look past superficial details
4. honesty (leads to respect)
3. have a great sense of humor
2. know how to party/have fun
1. sing me a love song (my heart will melt!)

SIX Things I Believe In
6. GOD
5. civil rights/gay rights/womens' rights/political activism
4. individualty/ uniqueness
3. positivity
2. equality
1. love


FIVE Things I'm Afraid Of
5. not being accepted
4. war
3. rejection
2. tomorrow is not promised today
1. the death of a loved one

FOUR Of My Favorite Items in My Dorm
4. my computer
3. my bed!!!
2. my wardrobe
1. pictures of my family

THREE Things I Do Everyday
3. laugh or be laughed at by my friends
2. thank God for my mom
1. wonder why...

TWO Things I Am Trying Not To Do Right Now
2. a paper
1. think about my insecurities and how stupid they are

ONE Person I Want To See Right Now
1. my dad (1950-2003) love you.

That was fun! You may learn something about me!

Whatchu talkin' bout kiddies!?

Operation Freshman Winter: Complete!

Well, it's over. for better or worse, my first winter term at Dartmouth is finally over. this term was quite interesting to say the least, and i feel i will leave it behind with a mix of reactions and emotions.

so, i figured to close out Winter '05, i'd take a look back at some of my best moments of the term (in no particular order):

-Winter Carnival! (it came at just the right time. a much needed boost of spirits. and i also consumed many spirits!)

-Being honest with myself and friends (nuff said.)

-My friend Lucy visiting from BC (a.k.a my facebook wife. i love you darling.)

-Gospel Concert (holla! got Jesus?)

-Admissions: Becoming a Tour Guide/ Dimensions Show (i am gettin all up and in admissions' business)

-Dorothy Allison's speech (amazing. powerful, passionate, and eloquent queer voice!!)

-Dog Day Formal (a drunk, non-spanish speaking date and passing out on my knees is always fun)

-10-Minute Play Festival (finally got some scripted acting out of my system. more to follow soon!)

- Dog Day final show (hotness. good crowd. good show)

-Meeting new people (4th flo McLizzle, BiG crew a.k.a "the family", etc.)

Spring Term has started. I'm gonna set it off right!

Soon diving back into the thoughts burried in my head, bon soir kiddies!