A Reluctant Insomniac

What is it about mornings? there's such a mental conflict for the insomniac concerning the morning. there are those of us who live by night, wishing only to sleep the morning away. others subsist by the proverb, "early to bed, early to rise." the morning is such a strange time of day for the insomniac. the morning is the dawning of a new day, a rebirth of the world. yet, the night time is when the insomniac finds his rebirth.

the morning can engender such a peculiar sensation for the sleepless and weary. fatigue can trigger all sorts of emotions and mixed feelings, that the sunrise can seem overwhelming. insomnia seems frustrating. it can make you feel lonely and sad, yet empowered: just a strange amalgam of complimentary and contradictory sensations. it's really quite hard to describe. you can only know the feeling if you've been there.

yet, whenever i make it through the night, fully awake to see the sunrise, the dawning of a new world, i stop and watch in silence. the sun emerging from it's cloak of night is such a powerful image. it's so remarkably beautiful. as much of the world sleeps through it, you get the sensation that you are being shown something special. you are taking part in an experience designed only for you, meant only for your eyes.

the sunrise can be such a selfish time for me. i want it all to myself. i want to treasure it, keep it, because who knows when i'll see my next. i usually spend so much time trying to slumber through the mornings, that when given the chance to welcome the new day, i really take the time to appreciate them for all their worth and glory.

inherently a night owl, i feel as though i am a rebel against conventions of time. insomnia allows me to see things that others who sleep regularly arent able to see. this can be both a blessing and a curse. while my body and mental capacity struggle to find energy from a depleted source, my mind is thoroughly enthralled by the mysteries of the night. i've always been like this, even since i was a kid. the night seemed so tempting. i can't describe how contented i was just to watch a rediculous movie on tv able only to be shown at night. i suppose the people at television networks assume that only the weary and forlorn can appreciate these cinematic anomalies.

the world never ceases to amaze me. the harder i resist insomnia, the more it develops into routine. thus, while given the chance, i take a look at the world contained within a day and appreciate the entirety of it, sunrise to sunrise. though, at the intersection of a new dawn and the closing of night, a sunrise can only be treasured in silence.

Until I wake, good-day & goodnight, kiddies!